Last night Chris and I watched 19 kids and counting. Michelle Duggar has 19 kids but went to a ultrasound and the baby had died, stopped growing and no heartbeat. As we watched I just sighed and kept watching. Chris went to bed because of his head hurting. I decided to take a hot bath and read on my nook. I read for a bit, then decided I'd mess with my phone for a bit, then shower. As I was on Pintrest, I saw these "why its better to cry in the shower" posts, and something hit me.
It snuck up...just as a "be quiet so you don't wake Chris" sob. Then as I thought about her...it broke out into soul wrenching bawling. I couldn't breath, I couldn't see, and I didn't care about either of those. I shook, I sobbed and I gasped. I begged for her to come back to me. I thought about how I don't know how I will get through this. It's been 4 weeks, why is it not easier!?!??
I found a picture on Pintrest that says:
I added the following commentary to the picture as well...
And sometimes it just hits you. I haven't cried in probably over a week...and tonight it hit me again. I'm so blessed in my life, I'm married to my best friend, the love of my life @cwl1983. I have family who love me for all I am. I have friends who adore me. But I have a hole in my heart. A hole, an empty spot that will never be filled. My precious angel: I won't get to hold you in my arms, only in my heart. I hope you know how much you are loved and how much you were wanted. My heart cries out for you and my body aches to have you back in there all warm and cared for. "I think I'd miss you even we'd never met". That caption is so true for your daddy but for you as well. My soul is crying for you tonight as I know you catch my tears. Momma loves you angel.
I got so many sweet comments back from people. Some from people that have been through a miscarriage, some who have not but want to be there for me. Some from family, some friends....I got a card from a cousins wife who I have probably spoken 100 words to in my life, saying she's been there 3 times and to call her if I need to.
Chris bought me a Pandora bracelet. I had told him I wanted a Nov birthstone charm. He one uped me, and got me the guardian angel one, I love it.
In my life I am so blessed. I cannot tell you how lucky I am. I'm married to someone who adores me, my family is amazing, I have friends who are awesome and I have a really good paying job. I need to concentrate on these things and remember God only gives you what you can handle, right? Hopefully I'm handling things as he sees fit...
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